


All All Apologies

by Ohholycow



Category: Dangan Ronpa
Genre: F/M, Gen
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2014-01-18
Updated: 2014-09-04
Packaged: 2018-01-09 04:48:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 11,197
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1141629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ohholycow/pseuds/Ohholycow
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>There was only a single question on Kyoko Kirigiri's mind: just how long would this hope last? She could feel it, in the air, in their hearts, that this hope was fading fast. Why? Because their most hopeful person, deemed even the Super High School Level Hope, was beginning to fall away. Established Naegiri, implied Hagahina, Tokawa. Rating may change with later chapters.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. It's Just Us in this Small World

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so I came across a prompt on tumblr about a Naegiri fanfic where Naegi and Kirigiri go to a restaurant, and when the waiter gets his order wrong, he shouts, “You’ve got that wrong!”. Well, I’ve decided to fill that prompt, and put a bit of a darker twist on it. Hope you enjoy! Oh, and this will be a multi-chapter fic. In addition, I’m still doing my FMA story, so updates will be posted whenever.

Two years. It had been two long years since they left their cage and earned their freedom. For every day they could not remember, another was lived outside those tightly bolted doors. From that first step they took into the future, into their newfound destiny, they were filled with the strongest hope in the world. It was that ceaseless feeling that overcame despair, time and time again. However, there was only a single question on Kyoko Kirigiri’s mind: just how long would that hope last? She could feel it, in the air, in their hearts, that this hope was fading fast. Why? Because their most hopeful person, deemed even the Super High School Level Hope, was beginning to fall away. None of them knew it but her, and for the second time in her life, she was scared. Scared and alone with the boy who had saved them all. Togami, with Fukawa in tow, decided to part last winter, while Hagakure and Asahina decided to head west. And for such a long time, she hadn’t even spoken of, nor thought of them. But it was now, as her Hope was fading, that she needed them the most.

**Chapter One**

_**It’s just us in this small world.** _

Kirigiri walked down the cold boulevard as she could feel winter’s chill along her jawline. She adjusted her green scarf, pulling it over her mouth and neck to feel its warmth.  She could see people passing her by, not having a care in the world. For that, at least, she was glad. Caring about nothing is far better than despairing over everything. Her hair flowed in the breeze as the soft kiss of Jack descended on her ears. She sighed as she turned the corner, fishing in her pockets for a key. She approached the dark, mahogany door to her-… to their little apartment. She sighed again as she turned the handle and opened the door.

The room was dark as it was cold. She cursed softly to herself as she adjusted the thermostat, the room gradually growing warmer as she could almost feel her wallet empty. She put down her bag as she opened the door to the open room of their apartment. To her chagrin, it was even darker in there. She flicked on the lights as she took off her coat and scarf. “Makoto? I’m back from… the post office…” she looked around the room, the boy not in sight. With a roll of her eyes, she opened the bedroom door, to find him sitting alone in the dark, again.

“Makoto…” she sighed as she turned on another light. “Why are you sitting in the dark? We aren’t that strapped for cash.” For a full eight seconds, he doesn’t say anything, almost as though she had never spoken. Suddenly, he perked up, turning around at the second call of his name. He turned to see worried eyes upon him. “O-oh… Hi, Kirigiri…”

“Makoto. I’ve told you already, stop calling me that. You aren’t asking to borrow lunch money or saying hi to someone you don’t know… it’s Kyoko to you.” She wrapped her arms around him, and held him tightly.

“S-sorry, Kyoko… I just keep forgetting…”

“And one more thing. Stop sitting all alone in the dark… it makes me uneasy.” She held him a little tighter.

“Y-yeah… sorry again…” he said softly as he returned her embrace. They sat there in silence for a solid six minutes, content with only holding each other, content in the silent passion they shared. Kirigiri, with a peck on Naegi’s cheek, stood from her place beside of him, and made a move to adjust the thermostat.

“Like I told you, Makoto, we aren’t strapped for cash. You don’t have to sit there and freeze.” To her surprise, it was already set to warm… had she already adjusted it?

“Sorry, Kyoko… I didn’t really notice that it was so cold in here…” Naegi averted his eyes.

“You don’t have to apologize, just… make sure to keep yourself warm. January isn’t exactly the warmest month of the year, Makoto. I’d hate to think you’d catch cold just by your lack of perception.” She turned to look at him as she closed the thermostat.  “You’re smarter than that, aren’t you?”

“Y-yeah, I guess so… sorry for worrying you.”

“Stop apologizing” she said stiffly.

“Oh! Sor-” she glared at him in that Kirigiri kind of way. Almost undetected, but present and fierce.

She averted her gaze, tangling a gloved, dismissive hand in her lavender hair. “I hate it when you apologize like that... It makes me feel like a bully. Like we aren’t on the same wavelength. A sorry every now and again is fine, but… stop being so apologetic, Makoto. You did nothing wrong.”

Naegi sat there, a little surprised by her words. With a start and a nod, he spoke. “Okay, I’ll work on that… I didn’t mean to upset you.” She smiled at him, walking closer and putting a hand in his hair.

“You never do.” She gave him another peck on the cheek as she crossed the apartment. She made to take off her shirt when the boy behind her made a noise of embarrassment.

“K-Kyoko! Shouldn’t I leave first?! T-that’s, uhm…” the boy was blushing bright red.

The girl rolled her eyes at him. “Makoto, how many times have I told you. We’ve been dating for years now. We live in the same apartment. You’ve seen just as much of me as I’ve seen of you. I don’t get what the problem is.”

“I-it’s just! We haven’t really gotten that far into our relationship a-and… well…”

“If it makes you that uncomfortable, then I’ll go in the bathroom.”

“N-no, it isn’t that… it’s just…” the boy was blushing even brighter now, scratching at his head.

Just like Kyoko had been practicing, she took a breath to clear her mind. _Okay, so maybe changing in front of my boyfriend might embarrass him a little. I can see where he’s coming from, but… aren’t boys supposed to like this sort of thing…? I guess Makoto’s just that kind of guy, albeit a little strange. I suppose he has a right to be flustered._

“No, I’m sorry. I should be more considerate of your position. It’s… nice how you can be so modest. Same old Makoto, I suppose.” Regardless, she continued to remove her shirt, deciding to take the rest of her garments off in the bathroom to spare her boyfriend’s blood and feelings.

“It’s nothing. I’ll be out in a minute.” she closed the bathroom door with a thud. Even through their relationship together, the both of them still had trouble understanding each other sometimes. Kirigiri still lacked incredibly in social skills, and resorted to small fits of passive-aggressiveness. Naegi, on the other hand, was as modest and apologetic as ever, still not having too much of a backbone. He was the same old Naegi, unlike the one in the class…  In spite of their differences, both of them worked hard to even each other out. Kirigiri practiced breathing exercises to cool off and tried to think from the other person’s point of view, while Naegi tried to speak up and not apologize so often. Although they hadn’t made much progress in this endeavor, it was certainly a start.

It was then that a thought came to mind. “Hey, Kyoko. Why are you changing, anyway? Are you going out somewhere?” he asked innocently.

“Hm?” she said from the other side of the bathroom door. “Do you think I’m cheating on you, Makoto?”

“W-what?! No! Why would I ever think that, Kyoko?” Naegi’s voice was loud and confused from outside the bathroom, and Kyoko couldn’t help a small laugh. “I’m only teasing you, Makoto.” She came out of the bathroom in a long black dress. “And what’s this business of _me_ going out somewhere?”

Naegi couldn’t help a blush as he took in the sight of Kyoko in her dress. She was beautiful… unsurprisingly. Because Naegi hadn’t let himself forget that from the first time he laid eyes on her.

“Huh?” it seemed that he was a little dazed.

“We’re going out together. On a date. We haven’t gone out in weeks.” She dug into her bag from the ‘post office’ and pulled out a garment bag.

“And I was lying about the post office. I wanted to surprise you with a gift.”

“O-oh…” Naegi blushed harder. “You really shouldn’t have, Kyoko. I didn’t get you anything…”

“That’s the idea.” She smiled to herself with satisfaction.

“Eh?”

“You always do those little things just to make me happy… surprise me with a pancake breakfast, that beautiful necklace… and on our anniversary… when you bought me an entire case of gloves. I loved every single pair. So tonight, I wanted to do something for you, something out of the ordinary. Go ahead. Open it.”

Naegi looked upon the parcel with mild confusion that soon blossomed into curiosity. He unzipped the bag, and out came a handsome suit, adorned with a green tie.

“It’s… wonderful. Thank you, Kyoko…”

“No, I should be thanking you, Makoto. At least… I will when you put it on.”

“What do you mean?”

“To be completely honest… I was being a little selfish when I bought you this suit. See, every time we go out to dinner, you… well, you wear that.” She pointed to the offending garments, his blazer and, more importantly, his hoodie.

“What?! What do you mean? Is there something wrong with how I dress?”

“Every time we go out on a date, you wear that… damned hoodie…! Even when I go out of my way to get prettied up, you still wear _that damn hoodie_.”

“I don’t wear it that often…”

Her eyes narrowed. “Oh, really? What do you wear to bed then, hm?” She tapped her heeled boot on the floor, waiting with arms folded for an answer.

Naegi frowned as he sputtered. “Uuh…my uh…um…”

“Your hoodie. Your **goddamned hoodie**.” She pointed at the garment with an accusatory finger.

“But it’s so comfortable! I mean…  it’s all I remember wearing…”

“Take it off.” She said bluntly, coldly. Kirigiri-like.

“W-what?! Kyoko, what are you-”

“If you don’t take it off, I’ll take it off for you. I can’t stand that hoodie. All the time, it’s like you don’t own anything else. Sure, wear it outside, wear it to bed if it makes you happy, but I’m not going to go out and buy an expensive dress just to have my boyfriend dressed in **_that_**.” She pointed again.

“It isn’t _that_ bad, Kyo-.”

‘Take it off!” she was a little more demanding this time, a little more scary.

“B-but, it’s so-”Kyoko pounced on him, trying to remove the horribly green piece of clothing from his lithe body. “Hey! Kyoko! What are you doing?!”

She wrestled with him. “I said take it off!”

“No!”

“ ** _TAKE IT OFF_** _”_

“Okay! Okay! I give, I give!” Kyoko had the boy pinned to the ground by his arms.

“Do you now?” she huffed.

“I do! I do!”  She let him up as he grabbed the slightly wrinkled hoodie and took it into the bathroom, closing (and locking) the door behind him.  She moved to the couch and sat down, smirking to herself as she crossed her legs.

Fifteen minutes later, she was growing impatient. If a girl can put on a dress in five minutes, why is it taking him so long? A little perplexed, she knocked on the bathroom door.

“Makoto? You… uh… okay in there?” She felt so awkward talking through the door. The bathroom door. Maybe that’s how he feels…

“Y-yeah! Just fine, Kyoko! I’ll be out in a sec!” he was flustered for some reason, and Kyoko wanted to know why.

_What is he doing in there? Did he have to go to the bathroom? Is he… **relieving himself**? _

She blushed a little at the thought, and decided it was best to just wait it out. Unfortunately, another eight minutes passed by. She was tired. “I’m coming in” she said as she grabbed the master key.

“No! Wait, I’m-!”

Mystery solved.

There Makoto sat, on the toilet seat, a flustered mess, his green tie in knots.

“Makoto… is that what this is all about? You could have just asked for help.” She walked towards him, getting on her knees to be level with his chest

“Well! I… Well, you see…”

She rolled her eyes. “No need to be embarrassed about it. Actually, I had a different scenario laid out. I had thought you were up to…well, up to something else.” Naegi looked at her, bemused. Yet the second her insinuation dawned on him, another blush invaded his visage. “ _W-W-What_?! I-I don’t- I don’t do that!!”

She shrugged her shoulders, apathetic. “I wouldn’t know.” Before he could respond, she changed the subject.

“Anyway, let’s get this tied.” She reached out with gloved fingers, undoing all of the knots the boy had made in an effort to correctly tie the tie. Then, it hit her.

“Makoto”

“…Yeah?”

“…Wasn’t this already tied? In the ensemble, I mean.” Her voice was expressionless as she focused on the task at hand. “This came tied in the package.” The boy looked away with mild shame.

“ I-I don’t know how it happened, but… it just kinda… came undone.”

“It was tied so well, too. Nonetheless, it can’t be helped.” She sat there for a moment, working quickly with her fingers.  “There.” She tied it tightly, bringing it up a little too tightly around his neck. “That should do it.”

“Hn! Y-yeah. Thanks.” he choked a little as she tightened it. However, he couldn’t find it in himself to complain.

“Ready to go, Makoto?” 

“Yeah… where are we going, anyway?”

“Well, I had thought about going to Angel Mort like usual, but I thought we could go somewhere… nice tonight. How about Blue’s?”

“Blue’s? You mean that high-dollar place?”

“Yeah. It’ll be fun.” She said flatly as they made their way to the door.

“Well, if that’s where you want to go, then I’m all for it.” He said as he smiled.

“Great. That’ll make things a little easier on my part, you know, without having to use the chloroform.”

“What!” his eyes widened a reasonable amount as he seemed frightened with the idea. 

“I was kidding, Makoto. “ Kirigiri said.

“Oh.” He certainly seemed relieved. She grabbed his hand and led him out the door, grabbing her purse and their scarves on the way.

“Well, we should probably get going.”

Without a word, the boy was happily dragged along for the ride. It had begun to snow as they walked through the peaceful night. After a minute, Naegi was walking beside of her, his hand hesitantly trying to find its way around her waist. After a moment of trying, and failing, her boyfriend gave up, putting his awkward little hands into his pockets. With a roll of her eyes, Kirigiri grabbed her boyfriend about the waist, leaning on him to share his warmth, as they grew closer to the lamplights of the city scene.  


	2. Beautiful Evening with You

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> There was only a single question on Kyoko Kirigiri's mind: just how long would this hope last? She could feel it, in the air, in their hearts, that this hope was fading fast. Why? Because their most hopeful person, deemed even the Super High School Level Hope, was beginning to fall away. Established Naegiri, implied Hagahina, Tokawa. Rating may change with later chapters.

 

As the pair approached the bustling restaurant, Kirigiri held Naegi’s arm tightly. The way he smiled to her, the way he made lighthearted conversation, Kirigiri felt closer to him than she had in weeks. Naturally, she could never forget about his star-qualities, his voice, his character. Because that was how she fell for him those years ago.

They entered through the double doors of Blue’s, soon attended by a man with a guest book.

He was a fairly tall man, with a tacky comb-over and dark brown eyes. He looked upon the young couple with a sneer. “And just how can I help you, today?” he asked skeptically. Kirigiri fished in her purse for her wallet, “Makoto? Why don’t you run to the restroom. I’d hate it if you got up during our meal.” Kirigiri said smoothly. Naegi looked at her curiously, but soon decided that he would do as she said. “Uh, sure, Kyoko… I’ll be right back.”

She watched him leave. The moment he was gone, she pulled out something that still brought back bad memories, something she could not let her boyfriend see. Her ElectroID.

“Yes, I’m here for the Naegi party. Naturally, our reservation wasn’t declined?” The man stuttered as he looked upon the evidence of Hope’s Peak Academy. It was in all the papers. The sixteen survivors of Hope’s Peak Academy were sealed inside of despair itself. Hundreds of rescuers killed. Only six made it out alive.

“A-a-a yes Madam. I assume you’re M-miss Naegi?”  
 

She shrugged her shoulders. “Might as well be.”

“C-come with me, Madam. I apologize for my rude behavior. Right this way, please” He said nervously as Naegi emerged from the restroom.  Naegi looked puzzled at how much the man was sweating, soon following his girlfriend at her beckoning.

“Is everything okay, Kyoko? What’s wrong with this guy?” he asked in a soft whisper.

“Nothing is wrong with him…” she came up with a lie. “He ran out of regular tables, so we’ll be getting a special one.”

“You mean the V.I.P. table? How did you manage that?”

  
She shrugged her shoulders. She didn’t want to say that damned word. “Chance, I guess.”

“…chance… funny…” The waiter took them to a small table in the center of the restaurant, pushing out both of their chairs and handing them menus.

“Yes, Mr. Makoto Naegi and Kyoko Kirigiri… what an honor to have you with us tonight. May I start you off with a drink? Perhaps a fine Champaign?” he inquired, a little less nervous.

Naegi looked perplexed at the man’s behavior. “Kyoko… what is he going on about? An honor to have us?”

“It’s nothing. When you pay high dollar, they’re much nicer to you.” She said quickly. “Sir? May I have a word with you? I have a special Champaign in mind.” She said fluently. He stiffened as she glared at him, imploring the man to follow her every word.

“Of course, Madam.” He said as he led her over to the wines. Kirigiri, upon their separation from Naegi, got down to the real topic at hand. “I’m not really here to discuss your choice in wine, sir. Then again, I suppose you already had that figured out.” The man nodded without a word as she continued.

“Here is the situation: Naegi… there’s something wrong with him. Ever since we abandoned our days at Hope’s Peak, he’s been getting slowly worse. At this point, he has repressed all of his memories of the academy.

“My… I’m sorry to hear that, Madam… you two really did go through a lot, didn’t you.” Without a word, the girl nodded.

“Indeed, we did… especially Makoto…”

“Yes, I seem to remember that. Wasn’t he the one who solved most of the murders? Especially of Mr. Kuwata, if I remember correctly?”  She nodded again, staring at Naegi from the other side of the restaurant. “Yes… it was him. He was our hope. He wanted to save his friends, and pulled the last of us through to the end.”

“He must be quite the gallant man.” The waiter said, following the girl’s gaze.

“I’m not so sure ‘gallant’ is the right word for him, but… he’s amazing. It’s no wonder I fell in love with him… excuse me, now I’ve gone into too much detail. I apologize.” She said flatly.

“Not at all, Madam.” He dismissed. “Everyone needs to let it out once in a while. Whether it be serving food or serving council, a Blue’s butler follows through to the end.” He said with a bow.

“I see… well, the point I am trying to make is that… it would be detrimental to his state of mind if anyone were to mention anything about the Academy, of our mutual killing. You can do something about that, right?” she looked at him firmly. The man only smiled.

“It goes without saying, Madam Kirigiri, that no one will speak of the academy, nor of what took place within. I will inform my staff, even our guests at once. In fact… they’re probably the first ones who would say something that may upset him.” He said as he eyes the other attendees of the restaurant.

She smiled to him. “You have my thanks.” She said softly.

The man smiled once more as he beckoned towards their large selection of wine. “It is no trouble at all. But, while we’re here, why not select a wine for your evening? You cannot return to the table empty handed, now can you?” he remarked with a snicker.

With a sly smile, Kirigiri pointed to a large bottle on the rack. The man followed her finger and nodded in understanding. “Ah! The Bardolino? A fine wine, indeed. I shall bring it at once” he said with a polite bow.   Kirigiri dismissed herself back to their table, rousing Naegi from his musings. With a start Naegi looked up.

“Kyoko? Um… did you find it okay…?” he asked, not really curious. No, it was a different emotion. Something that seemed a little darker.  She noticed it immediately.

“We did. Sorry I was gone for so long, Makoto.” She said as she sat down.

“I don’t mean to distrust you, but… isn’t the drinking age twenty? And your birthday isn’t for a while…” (The Japanese Drinking age) Kirigiri had made a foolish mistake, a horrible error in her quick lie. Damn it… luckily, she knew this boy too well. She knew how to change the subject. She spoke with a loving smile.

“Hm? Oh, it’s nothing, love.” She looked upon his face, his reaction instantaneous.

Naturally, the boy was blushing like mad. “L-l-love?! You… you called me-” he looked down, embarrassed. “You never call me that…”

She only smiled. “Can’t I give you a nickname once in a while, Makoto? It’s quite popular among couples, you know. You’re welcome to give me one, too… if you’d like.” It was working so perfectly, too. If there was one thing that derailed Naegi’s train of thought, it was that singular word, ‘love’. Yes, Kirigiri knew him as well as she knew herself. “Plus, I believe that waiter is talking to Blue about an ‘exception’.”

“Exception? What for? We… haven’t done anything special. This isn’t like you, Kyoko…” Drat, she had said too much.

“Who knows. Blue’s infamous for her eccentric nature. She probably just liked how we look. Together, I mean. She’s probably just a romantic.”

“Y-yeah, maybe…” she paused, looking up.

“Are you alright, Makoto?” she asked, a hint of concern entering her voice.

“Yeah, I’m fine…” he said his eyes a little dim, his voice a little softer. “It’s just… weird. I dunno… I feel weird.” Kirigiri didn’t like the sound of that. Not at all. She placed a gloved hand to his forehead.

“You don’t have a fever… should we go?” she suggested, her concern growing.

“What? No! After working so hard for this reservation? I would never dream of leaving, Kyoko! Don’t worry about it, just… let’s just have fun!” He smiled, honestly, Naegi-like. After a moment of surprise, her eyes softened as she smiled. “Yeah… let’s have fun together.”

The waiter returned, holding a large bottle of wine and a pair of menus.

“Ah, yes! The Naegi party! I have wonderful news!” the man said with a grin. “It seems as though you’ve caught the eye of Milady Blue, the owner of this fine establishment! You will be receiving complimentary discounts on all of your selections, so please, don’t hesitate to pick your favorites!” the man continued as he placed the menus in front of them.

 “Why do we get a discount?” Naegi asked, looking up at the man. Kirigiri did as well. The man scratched at his head a little. 

“Well, Milady will sometimes select a party and give them a discount… it’s a fine way to bring in customers, and an even finer way of staving off her boredom. She’s quite the fickle woman, I’ll have you know.” He continued. Still, Naegi persisted.

“But… why us? Why are we… why am I so special?”

The man only smiled at the boy’s innocent inquiry.

“To be honest, I don’t really know. Perhaps it was luck?” Kirigiri glared at the man.

The word sent shivers down his spine, and yet he couldn’t really figure out why. “O-oh… okay, then… W-what did you have in mind, Kyoko? To eat… I mean…” the man bowed apologetically at Kirigiri, who allowed her glare to subside. “Sir, if I may have a word with you, I would like to get a calorie count on the lobster.” She was still glaring, trying in earnest to not let Naegi see.

“Kyoko? Where are you-”

“C-certainly, Madam.” The two departed to their usual spot.

“Good luck?! Are you an idiot?! That was his super high school level talent… surely you knew that?” she seemed to be getting angrier.

The man bowed, slightly pathetic. “M-my sincerest apologies, Madam! The thought slipped past me, I was improvising!”

“Look here” she said firmly. “Blue herself promised me a nice and quiet evening with my boyfriend. Anything at all about ‘luck’ or ‘high school’ or ‘academy’ could be the weight that destroys him. I understand that you are doing your best, but please do not let it happen again. Now, before you take our orders, I request you have another talk with Blue to make sure our evening isn’t ruined.”

“Of course, Madam! I will do everything in my power to prevent it!” he said with a stiff in his back.

“Milady Blue? A word, please?” Kirigiri sighed as the man scurried away to speak with the owner of the restaurant. She walked back to their table, irritated. Once again, Naegi was suspicious.

“Kyoko… what’s going on? Is everything alright?” he asked, both nervous and concerned. Once again, she played her trump card. “It’s nothing, Love.” The boy’s features bloomed with hints of red.

“I was considering the lobster, but the crab also sounds good. The waiter said that it has a lower calorie count, anyway.”

“Oh, well… alright, then. I was thinking about getting the shrimp, myself… it’s a pretty big plate, though!” he said with a laugh. Kirigiri smiled. “I’m sure you can handle it. You know what they say about small packages.”

“H-hey! I’m not that little. Cut me a break, Kyoko!” he said with a grin.

Yes. This was exactly what Kirigiri wanted. To see her lover smile again. To see him laughing and being himself. She had missed that, she had longed for that in the lingering gloom of these past few weeks. She had noticed it, even if he was oblivious. The way his smiles began to dim. It broke her. It destroyed her. He was falling to pieces, and she couldn’t understand why. She thought she knew him so well, but in the end, she understood nothing. He was tearing up inside, falling apart at the seams, and she couldn’t crack the code. She came to realize that there was more to his heart than a simple 11037. If it was a code then it was infinite. And for every time she couldn’t understand him, she found her own heart crumbling instead.  She erupted from her musings at the kind voice of the waiter.

“Hello once again, Madam Kirigiri, Master Naegi. Have you made your selections? This is a three course meal, so I certainly wish you have some time to spare.” Kirigiri’s eyes widened a little at the man’s words. She smiled. “Indeed, we have. We’ll be having the breadsticks as our appetizer, and as for our main course, Makoto?”

“Oh! I’ll be having the shrimp palette. The one with the different sauces?” he pointed to the dish on the menu, prompting the waiter to nod his head in understanding. “A fine choice indeed, befitting a patron of Milady!  And for you, my dear?”

“Yes, I will be having the lobster.”

“Certainly, Madam! I shall have your appetizer out shortly!” the man said with a polite bow.

A quiet lingered over the pair as the waiter took their menus and departed from the table. A little awkward, a little satiated, Kirigiri couldn’t decide. Nonetheless, it was better off broken.

“Are you having fun, Makoto?” the boy looked up at her, almost not expecting the question.

“Hm? Oh, yeah! I mean… you’re always so kind to me… you buy me a new suit, you take me out to dinner… I mean… it almost makes me feel like a bad boyfriend.” He laughed a little, his green eyes tinted with sadness. Kirigiri frowned. “Makoto… don’t say things like that. It isn’t true. I won’t have it.”

“What?”

“You’re… the kindest person I’ve ever known, Makoto. You’re more than I could ever ask for. More than I could ever deserve.  It’s only because of you that I can smile like this. So please…” she looked up at the boy, whose eyes were gleaming with surprise. “Don’t look down on yourself so much. I thought optimism was your saving grace…” she smiled, reaching across the table for his hand. Naegi smiled, wiping at his face to hide his nearly-spilled tears. “Y-yeah… you’re right… thanks, Kyoko.” He returned her smile. It was at this point that Kirigiri decided she didn’t really give a damn about appetizers. She didn’t care if their evening was ‘perfect’, because it already was. It was perfect the moment their eyes met, the moment her hope smiled. Finally, she could say it. “I love you, Makoto…”

The appetizers came and went, and breadcrumbs began to decorate the carpet around them as their eyes were alight in pleasant conversation. Just like the good days, the beautiful mornings, where they could make lighthearted conversation with the others… with their friends.  It was then that they did not turn their eyes away from each other. She gazed into emerald and he into tourmaline as they shared their fleeting moments with no one but their other. Even though that gleam of darkness didn’t leave his green eyes, she could still feel their warmth. The one who sat before her was undoubtedly Makoto Naegi, the boy who had saved her from despair time, and time again. She swore to herself that no matter what happened to him, to them, she would be there until the end.

 She didn’t know it then, but that promise would soon be much harder to keep.

Their lighthearted conversation ended with contented silence as the waiter brought out their food. With a smile, he tended to Kirigiri. “I’m glad to see that you’re both smiling so brightly! I take it you’re looking forward to the main course?” he smiled.

“Naturally.” It was hard not to use that word. “You had better be hungry, Makoto. It’s rude to not eat when going Dutch,” she teased. “Are you kidding, Kyoko? You don’t have to worry, I’m starving!”

“Ah, I’m glad to hear it! Now, for the madam, we have lobster, stuffed with our special blend of ingredients, or, how we like to say, Lobster a la Blue!” he opened the large silver tray in front of her, her eyes going alight at the sight of it. It looked almost too good to eat. She thanked the man as he grabbed a second platter.

“And for you, good sir, we have prepared one of our specialties, the Lake Blue Flounder!” the man continued with a bright smile as he unveiled the dish. Kirigiri smiled at Naegi as he looked upon his plate, happy as could be. Yet the moment that platter opened, his smile faded. She, for only a fleeting moment, had wondered what was wrong, when it suddenly struck her as the boy shivered.

_Naegi… Naegi didn’t order the flounder… wait, a… a contradiction?_

Her eyes widened in horror at the thought. Before she could make a move, before she could stop it from happening, his chair clattered to the floor as Naegi stood. His eyes were wide as he extended his pointer finger in a fierce objection.

“ ** _YOU’VE GOT THAT WRONG!”_** In the singular moment he uttered that phrase, his knees began to shake, and his hands grew clammy and cold.

“W-why… why did I just… say that…” his hands grabbed at his head as he began to shiver.

“Makoto…?!” Kirigiri jumped up in a panic to save him suffering.

“K-Kyoko… why did I just say that… it’s almost like… I’ve heard it before…I…”

“Makoto…!!”

His eyes widened in horror, no, in mortification at the sudden influx of memories. He could see them. He could see all of them.  Every one if his friends being killed. Maizono, Ikusaba, Leon, the knife 11037 furnace blood everywhere marks along his bedroom walls million fungoes… Chihiro Mondo _Genocider Syo BLOODBATH FEVER MOTORCYCLE DEATH CAGE JUSTICE HAMMERS JUSTICE ROBO HIFUMI Yamada ISHIMARU THE AFLAME QUEEN OF LIARS ** CELESTIA LUDENBERG**_ ** _VERSAILLES STYLE WITCH HUNT STAKE FIRE FIRE FIGHTER’S SUICIDE ENOSHIMA JUNKO DESPAIR DESPAIR DESPAIR DESPAIR. >>! _****_DESPAIR OF THE UNKNOWN DESPAIR OF THE OUTSIDE DESPAIR OF THE FUTURE FALL INTO DESPAIR MAKOTO NAEGI_**

The boy collapsed to the ground as he began to scream in anguish of his recovered misery.

“What’s going on?! What happened?!” the waiter cried. “What’s wrong with him?!” guests began to stare as they saw the boy weeping on the carpet, holding his head and screaming all at once. It was agony to watch, and not a moment of it was spared. Kyoko ran to him, holding him close as she tried to calm him down. The man repeated his question.

“He’s going into relapse!! You remember, don’t you?! Whenever he contradicted one of our classmates, back at the academy, he always said that. And when you made a contradiction…!” the screaming grew only louder.

She held him tightly as he cried into her dress, screaming as the memories flooded back into him. “K-KYOKO?! What… what is all this? Just what the hell is all this?!”

“It’s okay, Makoto, I’m here… I’m sorry about all of this… I’m so sorry!” She held the boy close as he continued to pour tears on her dress, his hands clutching at the fabric for purchase, his clammy form shaking with every breath he took, with every furious beat of his heart. She could do nothing but cry into his brown hair and hold him close.

They were dying in each other’s arms.

A woman emerged from the back of the restaurant, and came running in heels towards the commiserating couple. “K-Kyoko?! What’s going on? Is he alright?!” the woman, Ms. Blue, knelt down beside of her friend and her  date, unable to grasp what had happened.

“Kyoko?” Blue asked, breathless. Kyoko took a breath as she held him, trying to calm her nerves enough to speak. “…He…he’s gone into relapse… He remembers everything... about the academy, about his role in the despair. It all came back to him at once…” she seethed at her own uselessness. 

“Please, Makoto… I know that you’re hurting, but you have to remember… you saved us. You saved all of us! Please…” she held him still, kissing atop his head.

He couldn’t respond if he wanted to. He was paralyzed by his own memories, entrapped by his past. He shook with hopeless ferocity as his wide eyes were out of tears. He only held her tightly.

“Makoto… come on,  it’ll be okay…” she kissed him again and looked him in the eyes, his pools of green unable to see anything but his own darkness. It was the look that she could never bear to see, the one that she had prayed would never show itself upon her hope.

It was the look of despair.

She carefully held him up from the ground, his shaking legs barely able to stand. She whispered in his ear. “C’mon, Makoto.  Let’s go home.” She supported his shoulders as she led him out of the restaurant, Blue and the waiter frantically apologizing at their backs. It was all their fault, after all.

No. It wasn’t their fault.

_It was my fault._

I held him tightly as we made the long walk home.

 

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Feeling the despair yet?


	3. Haunted

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N: DISCLAIMER: Prevalent use of first names. It makes for intimate situations and less confusing interactions. This one's a little shorter, but I found that the end of this section is a fine cliffhanger. Fixed the HTML, so it'll be a little easier to read the dialogue. Hope you enjoy the Hope and Despair. 
> 
> ~ohholycow

_He… he’s so cold…_

The apartment, although darkened by an atmosphere of remembrance, had not been empty for days. For these past four days, Kirigiri sat, almost alone, almost hoping that everything would turn out alright. In the silhouette of the windowsill, in the dark of the winter afternoon, lay Naegi in his bed, his forehead damp with sweat and bad dreams. With a sigh, Kirigiri took the cloth off his head and once again soaked it in the bowl of warm water beside of him. She wrung it out as she looked upon him with tired eyes. The sound of his heavy breathing was the only sound in the room, accompanied by the occasional swish of warm water, and the sigh of the poor, tired girl. She touched a hand to his reddened cheek.

Her hands itched, her hands burned in the open air, but she dare not put her gloves back on, else she would miss the warmth of her lover’s cheek, the steady outtake of breath that landed itself on her cold fingers. Her burns were ugly, even to her own eyes, but the thought of losing that warmth was by far less pleasant to consider. It was all she cared about, all she could ever hope to dream about. In the times he had been awake, seldom and far in between, the boy looked upon her with fragile, green eyes, hands shaking and tears falling. The nightmares would not stop. The images would never fade from his fading mind. Makoto Naegi was everything: he was despairing, he was lost, he was tired, empty, afraid, but most of all, he was...  

**All All Apologies**

**Chapter 3**

_**Haunted** _

Four days. It had been four days since the incident at Blue’s. Naegi… he remembered everything now, the bitter truth behind the past, the ten skeletons lurking in his closet. He could remember with his own eyes the role he played in revealing the mysteries, exposing the culprits and winning the game. However, Naegi didn’t see it, he couldn’t see it as anything like a victory. He saw only the way he sent them to their deaths, the way he banished the illusions and became as an executioner. She could hear it, in his miserable sobs and in his nightmares, the tears and apologies he wished to speak. But you can’t apologize to a dead man. Kirigiri knew that fact more than anyone did. Even every apology in the world would change nothing. After all, apologies can’t change the past. Their corpses were still cold, their voices still echoed on. Their blood was still shed. All of their problems. All of this despair. All of it, all the time.

All All apologies.

Naegi moaned once again in his sleep, sweat cascading down his reddened face. She could hear them again, his apologies. A burden between two was the hardest to bear. She held down her head and cried without tears.

…

….

…………………………………

_I’m sorry…_

_I’m **sorry** ………………………………………………………………….._

_Maizono…Kuwata…Owada…Celes…_

_Sorry…sorry…sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrysorry **sorrysorrysorrysorrysorrySORRYSORRYSORRYSORRY**_

The boy opened his eyes to a darkened room, covered in sweat and laying in his bed. He looked around, nothing but darkness, but their dark apartment. But… it was different

…Everything looked so different.

It was exactly the same, but with his memories… it was so different. He felt like he was in a foreign world, in a place he could never hope to belong. He…

He should be dead.

_I should be dead._

Naegi tried to get up, but found his limbs unable to move, unable to cooperate. He could see her. He could see Kirigiri sitting by his side, asleep and lost to his consciousness. He tried to speak, but found his voice impaired. He called out to her in silence, but found her unable to witness his moving lips. At least, he thought they were moving. At least, he thought he was awake…

…

……..

………….

_She… she looks so tired…_

_I… I **did this** to her? _

And soon he heard a sneer.

“Thaat’s right!” a voice called to him. From his peripheral vision came the figure of a girl. She held his head in her lap as she spoke again. She hovered above him like a bad omen, her persona the only thing in his current line of vision. “Oh… sad to admit, isn’t it?” the girl sneered. “How deep into despair you must be…!”

_Despair…_

Despair… he knew that word. He knew it too well…

As he did the girl attached to it.

He sat up with a start, finding the face of a **certain girl** with a wicked grin, holding up fingers as in a familiar pose.

“Did ya miss me, Naegi-kuuuun?” she asked with a laugh.

His eyes went alight as lanterns.

**Junko Enoshima! You…You’re-**

She smiled jovially. “You’ve got that wrong! At least… that’s what you always liked to say, right? Although the thought might cause you the deepest of despair, or worse off, the brightest beam of hope, the great Junko Enoshima is dead. “

**I-I…**

“Of course, that’s something you know all too well, huh? After all, it began with you contradicting everything. Contradicting your friends, contradicting the despair of the world. But that feeling is closer than you think, Naegi. All the hope in the world won’t change that. Beginning in despair and ending in despair. Just was my life, and just is yours, Naegi-kuuun!” her presence filled the room with an even deeper darkness. No moonlight, no stars, not even a gleaming of tourmaline eyes.

All that was left was darkness.

**_But… but why are you here, then? You said it yourself… you’re dead… There’s no way…_ **

Her personal changed into that of the arrogant, intellectual girl. “Ahhh… I see you have yet to see what stands before you. You must see this despair for what it truly is, Naegi-kun. What you are seeing right now is not the despair of Enoshima Junko. It is not the despair of the world that has **changed**.  It is not the despair of the dead, Naegi Makoto. This despair is your own.”

**_W-what…? What are you… saying… That I’m… I’m…_ **

“That you’re falling into despair?” her glasses shone with the light of the boy’s imagination. “I implore you to dive into the depths of your heart, to find for yourself that the source of your despair is indeed your own soul. Certainly, you are following my instructions, even after all this time. You always were somewhat… unoriginal. Despair-inducingly so.”

The boy was speechless as he began to lose himself again. He couldn’t move, could barely breathe. Only sit there and hear this despair coming from the girl with cherry lipstick and sugary sweetness. 

“Ahhh… I see you have been struck silent. That’s always the kind of man you were. One with a skittish heart.  A disappointment, just like that sister of mine. Nothing at all like the **_other you._** ”

**_Other…me?_ **

“If there was one thing that bemused me to a despair-inducing end was your personality switch when despair became closer than ever. In those class trials. You were so headstrong, so sure and confident of what you believed was the truth of the world. But that truth has vanished now. But I digress. You remember it, do you not? What I told you in the end?”

**_What you… told me in the end…?_ **

Her eyes changed again. “You’re a fuckin’ moron! DESPAIR AT THE UNKNOWN. DESPAIR AT THE FUTURE. DESPAIR AT YOUR MEMORIES. That’s what you’re doing right now, **_huh?!_** You’re following in my goddamn footsteps!!!”

**_W…what?! No… no I’m not…!!_ **

**_I won’t give into…despair…_ **

She became angrier and angrier as her eyes shone a bright-red sneer. “But you already have, you stupid fuck!”

A change. “Ahh… so I see you have realized it now? The truth that stands before you?”

A change. “Come on! Come on! I gave you soooo many hints, Ma-kun! :3!!”

A change. “It’s… so terrible… so despair-inducing…”

A change. “Need it even be said? Very well, say it I shall.”

The voices cried out at once, **_“WE ARE THE SAME, MAKOTO NAEGI!”_**

He wanted to scream. He wanted to shout for the entire world to hear, but he couldn’t move, he couldn’t breathe. All he could do was lay and fade into the darkness of the room, the depths of their despair.  His soul cried out at the unfairness of it all, as his lungs closed up and his heart writhed in tempered agony. He trembled under the weight of his own emotions as he could feel the shadows dancing about the room. His eyes widened in horror as tears prickled into his vision. He could feel it encroaching on his consciousness, fading in and out.

In, and out

Light and darkness.

Hope and despair

Life and death.

And in the moment he could breathe, he unleashed a scream anew.

\---

She was trying. Kirigiri was trying so hard. She was doing everything she could to prevent the sadness from entering his mind. Yet no matter how many soothing words she spoke, how many cloths placed upon his head, it was all in his hands now. Just as her own life, and just as his.

It was so unfair. It was so god _damned_ unfair. She cursed at the world that did this to him, cursed to whatever god of despair was causing his torment. But she knew, but all of them knew, who exactly was to blame.

It was Junko Enoshima. 

Super High School Level Despair and their twisted queen did this to her precious friends, to the boy she wanted to spend the rest of her life with. To the boy with the emerald eyes. Her fists clenched in unabashed anger as she fought with her own emotions. She wanted the boy beside of her to awaken. She wanted to feel his hand holding her. She wanted to see his bright, hopeful smile. The tears escaped her control now.

 She longed to see those happy eyes again.

It was in her sorrow that the phone began its ring. Her eyes glanced to it, her ears barely registering its shrill tone. She took a breath, and another, in an attempt to calm her nerves. For she knew exactly who was calling. She wiped at her tears, and put on her mask once again, as best it would fit from several years ago. From the last time she spoke.

To him.

With all the reluctance in her mind, she left her boyfriend’s side. And with a shaking breath, she picked up the phone. She said nothing at first, hoping against hope that the man on the other end would speak first. Moments passed, and voices were silent. It was then that her prayer was answered.

_“And to what do I owe the pleasure, Kyoko Kirigiri?”_

Kyoko smiled slightly to herself at the fresh air that was breathed into her spirit. _Some people never change._

“Togami… Hello. It’s… been a while.” Kyoko said, trying in earnest to remain distant, to keep up her past stoicism.

_“Indeed, it has.”_

“How have you been? Has the North treated you well?”

 _“Enough of the rhetoric, Ms. Detective. We both know you didn’t call to check up on me. To be honest, you had me quite surprised when I discovered that you had called. I’m… taken aback that you kept the number these several years.”_ Togami spoke honestly, somewhat uncharacteristically.

“I would never throw it out, Byakuya. A detective never loses what’s important.” Bullshit. She had already lost so much.

_“Hmph. Fair enough. I suppose you’ve not changed much yourself, Kyoko. Anyway… on to more important matters. There must have been a reason that you called me. Why now, all of a sudden? It had better be important.”_

_Oh, you’ll eat those words, you elitist bastard._

Kirigiri’s face fell only slightly at his remark, her eyes moving to glance at the boy lost in darkness. There was a long pause between them, immovable and immutable. Absolute and heavy on their hearts. It unnerved the man to no end.

_“Well? What-”_

“It’s Makoto.”

Togami was silent on the other end, presumably in  a mixture of panic and mild surprise.

 _“What about him? Is he alright? Has something happened?”_ He was trying to hide it, she was certain, but Byakuya Togami was actually worried. If only she had the time to sneer.

“I need you to come down here. As soon as you can make the flight… I…” her silence tried to prevail, “I can’t handle this by myself.” Her voice was betraying both shame and sadness.

 _“Kyoko… you know how far away that is… Is it really this import-”_  

 The girl trembled, and her knees caved slowly onto the cold floor. “Please… You know that I wouldn’t ask for help if I didn’t need it… You know that!” her emotions were slipping, her mask was breaking. The stoic detective inside of her was in her final moments.

_“Kyoko… I… this sounds serious. What’s wrong with him?”_

“I… I can’t-” her voice broke.

_“Kyoko? Are you alright? This isn’t like you. What… what happened to you?”_

That did it. Kyoko Kirigiri was a broken woman.

“…” All that the man on the other end could hear was the sound of quiet agony as Kirigiri’s tears began to fall. 

_“Kyoko? Are… are you **crying**?”_ The man was absolutely taken aback. Just what had happened to the stoic girl they had come to know. What had happened to their detective? And… just what had happened to their hope?

Kirigiri briefly felt shame for showing tears but she just couldn’t care. All she needed. All she needed…

Was for Makoto’s smile to come back.

“Togami… I… I can’t lose him…” she tried to silence her quiet gasps, but to no avail. “I’ll die before I lose him.”

 _“Kyoko… Just what the hell happened to you!?”_ Togami was yelling over the phone, and Kirigiri took in a shuttering breath, her tears beginning to subside.

“Just come to Tokyo… and you’ll see what we’ve become.” And with those heavy words, Kyoko Kirigiri hung up the phone.

The bespectacled man was struck silent as he held the receiver in his hands. Naturally, he started packing.


	4. Just a Dream, Just our Reality

_Despair at the unknown_

_Despair at the future_

_Despair at your memories_

**_Fall into despair, Makoto Naegi!_ **

The boy awoke with a start, his vision clear and his body drenched in sweat. The fog in his mind had been lifted, yet he couldn't figure out exactly why. The room was dark, although not from any sort of despair. There were no silhouettes in the corner, no demons lurking about… The darkness came from the peaceful night. His breaths came out in pants as his green eyes looked cautiously around the room.  It was as though he was in a foreign world, somewhere he didn't belong. As his breathing began to calm, the boy’s eyes landed on Kyoko Kirigiri, who was asleep on his lap, unmoving, unwavering.

At least, that’s what he wanted to believe.

His eyes became gentle as he looked upon her with a smile. His took timid fingers to her hair as he was reminded of how much she cared for him. Rather, reminded was not at all the right word for what he was feeling. This weightlessness, this simple kind of happiness could never be ‘reminded of’. He could never let himself forget. Not about her.   

He stayed like this for several minutes, before the girl finally began to stir. Her eyes fluttered open as she raised her head to meet his gaze. When their eyes met, he smiled softly to her. Naturally, the girl was startled. “M-Makoto! You’re-!” She made to examine him. The boy was bemused.

“Kyoko? What’s going on?”

The girl took a hand to his head. “How are you feeling? Makoto?” her voice was worried to no end.  That confused him even more. “Kyoko? What’s wrong? And why…" he focused his eyes on her gentle fingers "...aren't you wearing your gloves?”

She didn't answer him. “Are you thirsty?”

“N-no…” he rubbed at his eyes. "I just have this weird taste in my mouth." 

She frowned. "Then maybe you should have something. I'll get you some water." She seemed rather stern about getting that glass of water, so Makoto, quickly realizing her determination, decided to keep his mouth shut and let her do as she pleased. "So..." He was forming the words, albeit a little slower than usual. "How long have I been asleep? I feel like I've been laying here forever." He said with a grin. Still, lighthearted as he was, he still wanted to know. It was this curiosity that drove him, so have his questions answered, and to bring out the truth. She paused at the sink, her hand carefully on the faucet. She turned it, stopping the water's flow. She glanced to the left. "A bit. I'm just glad you're awake. That's all that I care about." She returned to his side, glass in hand. "Drink it slowly." She warned. The boy did as he was told, emptying the glass. "Maybe I was... a little thirstier than I thought?" He laughed. Still, Kyoko couldn't shake her frown. "Are you sure you're feeling alright? You don't have a fever, but there could still be something going on." 

He dismissed it. "I'm... a little drowsy, but I think I'm okay." 

" 'I think' isn't very convincing, Makoto." Still, her frown disappeared as she readjusted his blankets. "Still, I'd like to take you to the doctor... just to be safe. How about in the morning? It's pretty late at night."

He agreed. "That's fine. I'd be bad if something really _was_ wrong, right?

_You have **no idea** , Makoto. _

Naegi shut his eyes, only to have the face of Enoshima sneer at him. He shuttered, refusing to close them again. "What's wrong, Makoto? You just finished telling me you were alright." She gazed into his eyes, looking for even a shred of what could be wrong. Still, she already knew it. But _it_ was an elusive creature, one which lurked softly through their minds. 

 

“Kyoko… Was I… dreaming?” he asked, his voice still drowsy.

The girl’s eyes fell at his words as she took his hand into her own. His grip was tight. She shook, only slightly. “Yes… it was a bad dream… a very bad dream. But you’re awake now, aren't you?” her voice was soft.

There was a pause.

“Aren’t you?”

The boy’s hand held her own a fraction tighter. “To be honest… I don’t really know what’s real, and what isn’t anymore. Those dreams are always so bad… so realistic…They always make me want to wake up. They make me… want to see you again.”  

Kyoko grit her teeth.

“Those dreams… are strange. They make me feel like… Something isn’t right… like everything was supposed to be different. I dunno, just a weird feeling.” His voice was lighthearted, although tinged with that uncertainty.  Their faces flashed before her. Her voice was heavy and immutable with their weight.

“Dreams are dreams, Makoto.”

**Sayaka Maizono**

 “ _Nothing_  was supposed to be different.”

**Leon Kuwata**

“This is real.”

**Mondo Owada**

“Our lives are real.”

**Celestia Ludenberg**

She took a hand to his cheek. “This is our reality.” She kissed his cheek. Softly, possessively, protectively.

Her lips left him, and he spoke again. “I know, Kyoko. I love it here. I love you…I love  _being_  in love with you… But sometimes, I feel like everything was supposed to be different, you know? Like… I still don’t know why I dream like this. Do you?”

**Mukuro Ikusaba**

Kyoko was silent. “I don’t know why I have this feeling”

**Chihiro Fujisaki**

“But… it just feels so real.”

**Kiyotaka Ishimaru**

“Like I was actually there.”

**Hifumi Yamada**

“Like I lived through it.”

**Sakura Ogami**

“Almost like I watched it happen.”

**Junko Enoshima**

“Isn’t that… just the weirdest thing?”

Kyoko ran a soft hand through his hair, loving how soft it was, loving how real he was.

Loving the life that flowed through him.

“Makoto… don’t worry about them. Just worry about us. About here, and now. Dreams are only dreams, the past is only the past. But if anything comes for you, I’ll protect you, Makoto.”

_I’ll always protect you._

He smiled. “You always know exactly what to tell me, Kyoko.” He raised his arms up to embrace her, his breath pooling behind her ears, his hair tickling the skin of her neck. “You always tell me just what I need to hear.” Without hesitation, without wavering, Kirigiri returned his embrace, holding him close, absolutely.

“I can’t help it, Makoto. I just know you so well.” She held him to her chest.  The boy betrayed a warm smile at the girl's remark. "That makes me feel...like I'm at home, like this is the only place I belong. It's... nice." He looked into jaded tourmaline, the girl also showing joy through a smile of her own. She gave him a peck on the cheek. "I wouldn't have it any other way." She got up from her place beside of him and walked to the kitchen cabinets, searching in earnest for something to eat. "Are you hungry, Makoto? I can make you something if you're up to it." The boy responded quickly. "To be honest... I'm not sure if I can eat right now. I still feel a little weird." The girl marched back to him at that, taking her hand quickly to his forehead. "But that doesn't mean _you_ shouldn't eat, Kyoko. I'd feel horrible if you didn't." The girl let her hand linger for a moment too long, then decided, with a sigh, that the boy's fever was only mild. :Well, Makoto, when you decide that you're hungry, don't hesitate to tell me." the girl said as she retook her seat beside of him. The boy looked up, bemused. "Aren't you going to eat, Kyoko? You really should."

She held up a hand. "I'm not hungry, either." When the boy's face fell a little, Kyoko quickly amended her statement. "Bu it isn't because of you, Makoto." The boy smiled brightly. "Do you need anything else? Another blanket? Something to drink? A cool towel?" Kyoko was absolutely doting. Makoto blushed. "W-well, I don't need all of that, Kyoko! But, now that you mention it..." Kyoko leaned a little closer. "I do feel a little... gross." She raised a brow. "I mean- how long have I been asleep like that? I must need a bath, or something-"

"You weren't asleep for long, Makoto." the girl was lying through her goddamn teeth. "But if you really feel that way, I'll wash your clothes while you're in."

_It's the least I can do for you._

 "Thanks, Kyoko." The boy arose from the bed with a stretch and a yawn. "I think a bath sounds nice." Kyoko relished a sigh of relief in the singular notion that Makoto was _okay_. He was alive and breathing and  _happy_ and that was all she cared about. She was completely apart from the world in the moment she could finally smile again, another thought soon reeling her back in. "Do you need help, Makoto? I'd hate it if you fell."

The boy blushed madly as he waved a dismissive arm. "N-no, no! I think I'll be alright, Kyoko."

"Are you sure, Makoto? It wouldn't be any trouble at all." She reasoned. 

After a moment, the boy still declined, in that absolutely perfect, Makoto kind of way. "You're so concerned about me, Kyoko!" He beamed "To be honest, it feels..." a pause, his head lowering to his hands that clutched the sheets. "...Nice. It feels nice to know that someone's here with me... that **you're** here with me, Kyoko. I know I don't say it enough, but...Thank you." He held out his arms for her to embrace him, a gentle rush of warmth flowing through them as they held each other close. Kyoko kissed the top of his forehead, noticing in the back of her mind that his fever was still present. She released. "At least let me help you out of bed, Makoto." The boy nodded shyly after a moment's thought. His hands waiting for her. She looped an arm around him, to which he laughed, freely, lightly, without a care in the world.  Kyoko had a singular notion in her head as his hands grasped onto her. 

_I want..._

_to stay like this forever._

 With a gentle lift, and a firm hand at his back, Kyoko managed to help the boy out of bed, his feet landing softly onto the floor. His strength returning, the boy stood from the bed and began making his way to the bathroom, single step at a time. "Thanks, Kyoko." 

"It's the least I can do for you, Makoto." she smiled, enjoying the view of him standing, walking,  _breathing_ , enjoying the sight of him alive. It was that returning fleet of happiness, looking upon him with crystalline eyes. Her heart was captured. Kyoko knew then that she would do anything for him. Cross any chasm. Journey any land. Dive head-first into any hell. All for him. She fought once again to stop her tears of elation. He crossed the house, step by arduous step, and she watched. She watched him believe in his worn body, have hope in their hopeless situation. To say the least, a warm chill of nostalgia passed through her. He was almost there, and she couldn't be happier. He was almost to the bathroom.  She lowered her head in silent contentment as she heard the door shut.  She sighed as that warmth of contentment flowed through her, sinking into her bones and lifting her spirits. If only for a moment passing, she believed that everything would be okay. She turned her head as she heard the water turn on. Naegi was in the shower. 

...

.

.

.

.

The shower.

She couldn't contain her gasp. **Naegi** was in the shower. "No, Makoto...!"

**Pop Idol had a fall**

**Onto a knife in the shower stall.**

Her lips quivered as that warmth dissipated.  She turned her head again as she heard a thump. A soft, low thump.

Like a head onto the floor.

She quickly rose to her feet, senses numb at her own carelessness. At her own hopelessness. "Makoto... you can't remember... I won't allow it!"  _Why_ -

**_Why did I let him go in there._ **

There was a knock at the door but she didn't hear it, for she was far too concerned with the incident unfolding before her. She banged on the door to the bathroom, the water still running. Still, the boy did not make a sound. "Makoto! Makoto?! Answer me, goddamn it!" She banged on the door again, her fist harsh against the wood, her hand in pain over her own strength. She turned the knob, to which she discovered that, out of old habit, the boy had locked the door.  _A habit he doesn't **fucking** deserve._

 Still, she was relentless, with her fists and her cries as she tried in earnest to open the door. Her breath came out in pants. Then, as she heard a clatter, she backed up from the door. And with all of her strength, she collided with the door, a shattered gasp exiting her with the pain it caused. "Makoto?" She called, frantic. "Tell me you're alright!" Another collision. "Just tell me you're okay!" Truly, Naegi hadn't been the only one tormented by this. Kirigiri had faced pain just the same. But she had someone to protect... But she could never bear to lose him. _That_ was her despair. Give her corpses, give her fires, give her fathers day or hell itself, she was unafraid. But when faced with the death of the only one who mattered, she could only stand to crumple to the ground, hopelessly defeated and despairingly beaten, left to fall into darkness. Still, she was desperate and their apartment was cheap, and with that one final, resounding slam, the door crashed down. Her body fell onto the bathroom floor as it collapsed, her eyes soon falling on something she didn't want to think about.

There, with his head in his hands, his wilted body against itself, the shampoos and shower door in shambles. She ran to him, uncaring as her body was drenched by the falling water, by the tears that coalesced into hers. She took his body into hers as he shivered at the cold and his own afflictions. He clutched her jacket weakly, his voice and heart in pieces. "K-Kyoko... What... do I remember? Someone d-died in the shower... she's d-ead...-!" Witnessing his shivers for herself, she quickly grabbed a towel from the rack, wrapping it around his shoulders, and holding him. She took the brunt of the water, her back becoming soaked in it. The doorknob had already turned, and a man was standing there, his features adorning consternation and deep revelation. Now, he too, had seen it for himself.

She tried to calm the storm within him, with a gentle voice and a caress down his back. Still, he was choking on his own sadness. "I-I... I saw a dead girl. S-she was crying out for h-help-"

"Stop thinking about that, Makoto... It's alright..." the man scowled at her next words. "It was all just a bad dream."

"But I want to believe you! I just... I don't know who these people are... who... who is Sayaka?" She held him tightly at that. "Please... I-I'm so scared, Kyoko. I don't know what's real and what isn't anymore..." he choked again. "It was just a **bad dream**. That's what you told me, Kyoko... every time I woke up, you t-told me that it was just a bad dream. How long... has this been going on? H-how long... have I been like this? Kyoko?" He was becoming more and more desperate, in the futile way he clutched at her jacket, at the way he looked into her eyes. And Kyoko, too, was afraid. Afraid for both of them, afraid for their future... afraid...  for their sanity. "Who is Sayaka? S-Sayaka?" She held in tighter as she, too, crumbled. She put her head in the crook of his neck and she cried. All of the tears came out, all at once, as he repeated that name, over and over. The man at the door looked on, unable to believe his bespectacled eyes. "Kyoko... Makoto... Just..." She kissed Makoto's forehead as the tears continued to fall, as the water continued to run down her back "Just what the hell happened to you?" She looked up at him, her eyes still full of tears. With trembling lips and tired eyes, she spoke in shaken words. 

"This is it, Byakuya... this is our despair." 

And still, both the water and its chill poured down her back. 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Just in case you didn't catch the implication, there is a gap in time between the chapters, Makoto's bouts of psychological ailment and nightmares taking place throughout an extended period of time. Hence, Togami took about a week to arrive. Anyway, I hope you liked it!


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